8 habits to make confidence a way of life

When do you feel at your most confident?

For me, I would love to bottle the energy, optimism and self-belief I have after an early morning boxing class, to help me work towards my goals every day.

Dial up a burst of confidence

Thinking back on the past week; bring to mind a moment when you felt great about yourself.

Take a moment to reflect on it:

  • Did you feel full of energy and optimism?

  • Did you feel a strong belief in your own abilities?

  • Did you feel well supported by people around you?

  • Did you feel ready to cope with setbacks that might occur?

Imagine if you could feel like that all the time?

Imagine how it might help you progress towards your goals and deal with challenges and potential setbacks!

We know you want to be confident and move towards your dreams

When reality bites

We all want to make steady progress towards our life goals. But the reality is that it’s hard to build consistent self-belief, to make confidence a way of life. Luckily, like physical fitness, we can develop confidence bit by bit.

Here are eight habits you can develop to build your confidence and maintain your belief in yourself.

You might like to pick one or two to focus on at a time or choose what’s most needed each week.

Confidence Habits

  1. Notice what’s working for you! We need to learn to pay attention to the positives. It’s so easy to be critical of what we feel we haven’t done well that we often don’t pay attention to our awesomeness!
    On a regular basis - quickly run your mind over the last day or so and look for examples of things you’ve done really well.

  2. Do more of what’s working - once you get into the habit of appreciating your achievements you can be on the lookout for opportunities to repeat them, and repeat them………….

  3. Mentally rehearse what you need to do before you actually have to do it. Visualising the process AND the desired outcome helps us to believe things are possible and gives us a boost of confidence to carry out the steps needed.

  4. Build your support networks. Try to surround yourself with people who will cheer you on, people who believe you can do it. Also look for role models who will inspire you and provide new ideas.

  5. Keep your eyes on the prize - if you’re feeling overwhelmed, go back to your goals and values. Remind yourself of WHAT you’re trying to achieve and WHY.

  6. Keep calm and carry on! There will be weeks when it’s almost laughable how many things go a bit wrong. Sometimes we need to flex our self-regulation muscles and just keep on going.

  7. Nurture yourself! Sleep, diet and exercise all play a role in priming us for confidence and achievement. Exercise allows us to feel a sense of mastery and achievement at what our body can do, whilst sleep and diet play a key role in our energy levels.

  8. Seek out positive emotions for a mood boost to drive positive action - look for moments of amusement, joy, love, inspiration, gratitude and serenity.

make confidence a way of life

So are you ready?

We know it takes a lot of effort to maintain self-belief and strive for your goals so please let us know if you need some more resources and support.

We’re in your corner,

Debra and Kate

Two confidence zapping words you should never use!

Have you ever planned an exciting party for your child (or yourself) and despite the fact that planning is going well, doubts start to creep in?  

What if no-one comes? What if it rains? What if people don’t have fun?

Then on the day of the party, people turn up, fun is had, guests were undeterred by the light rain showers and you all finish up with big smiles. “See?” you say to your child, “it all worked out, no need to have worried”.

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When my kids start with the “what if’s”, I say to them “what if your moustache was made of spinach?” This is so completely ridiculous it helps remind them of the futility of worrying about something that may never happen.

As adults, we’re guilty of the “what if’s” regularly in life and at work.

When we finally get our dream jobs, doubt can kick in. What if they realise I’m actually not that good? What if I stuff up? What if I don’t like the job as much as I thought I would? What if I don’t belong here?

These thoughts are normal and we all have them. But when we let them take hold, they zap our confidence and make us anxious. They get in the way of bravely exploring the possibilities in our new roles, and impede our chances of success. “What if’s” are just not useful.

The French philosopher Michel de Montaigne once summarised this truth when he quipped:

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened”

If you find the “what if’s?” undermining your confidence at work or in life, here’s what to do:

  1. Be your own cheerleader. Back yourself. Imagine things will go well. Allow enough time at work to do things well.

    At the end of the day take a minute to reflect on what went well and give yourself a high five.
  2. Bring your best self to each day. Get enough sleep, look after your health.

    Know your strengths and make sure you get the opportunity to use them every day. Make sure you can use your strengths in your job (Hint: if you don’t know what your strengths are, see a strengths-based coach!)
  3. Reflect on the worst-case scenario. If the “what if?” actually came to pass, what would you do? Write your answer down in this format: “If (insert the worst-case scenario), then I would (what you would do?)”.

    If you get derailed, knowing what your intentions are gives you the confidence that if need be - you’re capable of rising to the challenge and coping with the event. This diminishes the power the “what if” has over you.
  4. Change your perspective. Reframe your difficulties or even failures as an opportunity to learn something worthwhile. What you learn will help you set the right direction next time, and improve your performance in the future.

    In the end, you can only grow by moving towards challenges, not away from them.

We recommend you banish the confidence zapping, party pooping words that are“what if?” from your vocabulary! Those two words only rain on your parade, and chances are, they’ll never actually happen.

In the unlikely event they do happen, don’t let them undo you. Rather, be confident you’ll be able to cope and even grow from the challenge. And then you’ll succeed in at work or in life.

We’re in your corner

Debra and Kate


Help! Can I really do it?

Did you ever climb trees as a kid, feeling excited about the view you’d have from the top?  Do you remember that feeling of being half way up and then suddenly being hit by doubts? You’ve been making great progress but suddenly you’re paralysed, and you feel like you can’t even find the next foothold…..

In that frozen moment of no confidence it’s hard to imagine getting to the top isn’t it?

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Our journey to finding work we love, work that fulfils us and fits in with our family, can be a really tough climb.  Moreover, it’s often very specific fears that cause our crisis of confidence.

Women we coach say things like:

  • I'm going to fumble in the first interview!
  • I'm too scared to ask for the hours and conditions that I want!
  • I'm struggling with all the technology!
  • Is it even possible to find a rewarding flexible job?

These are real fears getting in the way of your achievement.  To succeed we have to push through confidence obstacles.

How can we push through a crisis of confidence?

First of all – Re-ignite your motivation!  Remember WHY you started climbing

To fire up your desire for change you can remind yourself of the details of your dreams.  What exactly have you been striving for? Think about how dissatisfied you’ve been feeling with your current situation.  What are the specific issues you’ve been wanting to fix?

If you’ve already written down your goals this is a great time to review them (or put them into writing now!).  As you look at your goals, imagine that you’ve achieved them – you’ve made it! How would that feel?

I know why I want to make change but it’s so hard!

Consider your choices!

When you’re actually climbing a tree you don’t have a lot of options – it’s really just up or down.

But when we’re striving to change our careers we could also choose to just stop – to decide that it’s all too hard and stick with the status quo.

But think what you’d be missing out on!!

To keep going towards your goals, your mindset becomes central!  We need to believe that we’re capable of learning and making the most of opportunities.

What can you learn that will help you make progress?

When we believe that we can develop our skills it feels easier to take a risk and try something new.  We’re able to recognise that it’s our effort and our attitude that most influences our success.

Try to remember times in the past when you’ve learnt new skills and coped well with a challenge.  Try to recall when you’ve felt most confident in recent times – what were the key factors that helped you in each situation?  By noticing what works for us and doing more of it we can create a circle of growing self-belief and confidence.

And now it’s time for action!

We encourage you to make a plan and get excited about renewed progress!  Here are some questions to get you started:

  1. What’s the first thing you need to do?
  2. What can you do TODAY that will help make some progress – is there a phone call you’ve been putting off?  A LinkedIn profile to start writing?
  3. What resources are available to you?
  4. Who can you reach out to for help?

Please be assured that you’re not alone!  We all get stuck and doubt ourselves. If a chat about some of these ideas would help you right now you can book a free coaching chat with us

We’re in your corner and very much want to see you do work that you love!

Best wishes,

Kate and Deb