Face your fears - to make progress towards your work dreams

Imagine it’s a hot summer day and you’re at the beach. The water looks so good, you definitely want a swim. But, as you start walking into the surf the cold hits your belly and you stop dead – you know the feeling!

Returning to work or changing jobs or careers can feel the same.  You know you want to be in a fulfilling role that satisfies your career dreams AND works with the rest of your life. But getting there often means braving some cold water.

Do you want fulfilling work that satisfies your career goals AND works with the rest of your life?

Where to start?

When we want to make change in our lives it’s our own thoughts that are often the biggest roadblock.  We think and think about what we want, but our fears stop us taking even a small action.  You need a way to deal with the unhelpful thoughts and move forward day by day. We suggest giving these 3 steps a try.

1. Recognise your fears
   What exactly are the thoughts that make your freeze? Are you:
   - Worried you’ve lagged in your skills?
   - Concerned you won’t be able to compete in the job market?
   - Feeling you’ve lost confidence?
   - Wondering how on earth you’ll juggle everything?
   It’s uncomfortable to dig around in your thoughts and feelings but once you’ve identified the unhelpful thoughts that are spiralling around and around you can start dealing with them.
    
2. Reality check
   Once you’ve identified what’s freaking you out the next step is to bravely take a clear look at your fears.  Are they real?  For example, if you worry that your skills are out of date you might test this by reading relevant job ads and descriptions online. Maybe you have a friend with a similar background to you who could help you realistically assess your skills and give you some industry insights.  You’re looking for clarity with this step, so if there are skills you need to refresh or learn you can devise a plan.
    
3. Take a small step forward
   Now that you know your real position, you can start to practically move forward.  This isn’t about diving headfirst into the deep – it’s about working out the first step in a plan that will help you achieve a broader goal.  What is ONE thing you can do this week that will move you forward and you can feel proud of? You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to take a small action and it makes the next step so much easier!

What’s ONE thing you can do this week to move you forward?

As you work towards your dreams, keep these steps in mind. New fears will pop into your head needing to be dealt with. Now you’ve got a strategy!

If you’d like help to face your fears and  do work that lights you up, get in touch. We’re here to help you.

Best wishes for now

Kate and Debra - Flourishing Mothers

2 reasons why your New Year's resolutions flopped; and what to do instead

By now you may have an inkling as to whether your New Year’s resolutions are progressing well, or if they’ve fallen flat on their face. If you’ve disappointed yourself yet again, don’t worry, you’re not alone!

We know from science it’s essential to have “resolutions”, or goals, to make the changes you wish for.  So, setting your goals at New Year is a good practice!

The trick is to set the right goals.

There are two reasons why most people don’t reach their goals:

1. They set goals they think they “should do”. The goal becomes more of a gaol!

The classic one for the New Year’s resolution: “I should diet as I put on 2kg over Xmas”.  The “should” makes it a chore and chores notoriously don’t get done.

What to do instead: Convert your “should” goals into “want to” goals.

Convert your “should” goals into “want to” goals

This means connecting to your WHY. If you connect to a value or a bigger picture desire, it fuels your motivation to make the goal super-attractive. You will feel good about doing the work required.  What if instead, you said “I want to lose 2kg over 3 months, to get in shape for the hike I’ve planned” or “I want to lose 2kg by Easter to feel great in my dress I bought for my friend’s wedding”.

Then, on days when you are challenged in sticking to your nutrition or exercise plan, you can reconnect with WHY this is important. This helps you re-engage with the HOW – the things you need to do to get it done. And you are more likely to achieve your goal.  

2. They don’t turn the actions that lead to their goal into habits.

It’s all very well to understand your WHY and feel motivated by your goal. But your motivation will only get you part of the way. Willpower alone is a limited resource that gets depleted. The rubber always hits the road in the doing. We only change if we act.

What to do instead: Entrench your actions in a way that builds a habit.

Entrench your actions in a way that builds a habit

So, for example, if you want to lose 2kg over 3 months, then you could decide to drink a glass of water and eat an apple every day at 3pm, a time when you normally hit your energy slump and reach for the sugar. Or, you could decide to take the stairs to your 6th floor office on the way in and out of work, rather than the lift. Eventually these behaviours become part of “how you do things” and become easier to do with less effort or willpower.  And then all these small steps build your confidence and boost your motivation, helping entrench the actions even more. Making it much more likely to achieve your goal.

To reach your goals you need to take a step back and develop a deep understanding of your values - what’s important for you in your life. Then you need to work out how to make your changes “stick”. If you don’t know how to do this, reach out to us and we’ll guide you to success.

With love from Flourishing Mothers

Let's fly smoothly into 2018!

Have you a good flight plan for re-entry into school and work in 2018? 

Over the past weeks many of us have been luxuriating in the slower pace of holidays.  It’s been gorgeous to have a break from routines, and to take each day as it comes, but pretty soon we’ll need to return to normal scheduling.

On exactly this subject, we were really thrilled to be asked to contribute to Pilot Pen’s back to school campaign and want to share a few of our tips with you.  Transitions are a tricky time and can bring up a range of emotions from excitement to anxiousness, so we’d love to help you plot a successful path into 2018 by encouraging competency, communication, strengths and celebration.

1. Competency – the New Year is a great opportunity to give your kids some new responsibilities.  If you let them do some things on their own they will feel more competent and confident which is great for their wellbeing.  AND – helping our kids become more independent is excellent for the wellbeing of Mums!
   
   
2. Communication – Just as with adults, if your child’s fears go unexpressed, the fears can feed upon themselves and increase anxiety, so do encourage your children to voice any worries they may have before school starts.  Once you’ve heard their thoughts you can work with them to come up with solutions together.  Years ago my daughter was quite anxious about the climbing frame at primary school.  We practised climbing safely to help her build her skills.
   
   
3. Strengths – it’s helpful to point out to your child when she/he is using particular strengths of character.  Try to notice moments when they’re clearly displaying strengths like bravery or kindness or curiosity because then we can remind them when they need help to manage concerns.  For example: “Darling – I know you’re worried about being separated from your friends at school this year but do you remember how you made friends at tennis camp this summer.  You were able to use your sense of humour to get chatting with people and you showed them how kind you are.”)
   
   
4. Celebration – Create a positive mindset and reduce back to school stress by celebrating the new school year and good things that occur in the early weeks back at school.  Talking to our kids about what went well during the day is a great way to create and share positive emotions.  When we start by paying attention to the positive it can help to put problems into perspective and discuss challenges more calmly.

If you’d like to read more of our back to school tips please check out this article:  https://www.femail.com.au/kate-wilkie-top-tips-for-getting-back-to-school-interview.htm

With love
Flourishing Mothers

PS. We’d love to hear your tips too!  Please share in the comments.