To work or not to work?............What are you really looking for?

Is it ever just a simple question for Mums?

Across the community, very few decisions are ever made in a complete vacuum, but the decisions that Mums make about how to structure their lives may be the most complex of all!  We tend to ponder at length how to meet the practical, financial, emotional and social needs of our families and ourselves and what role work will play. 

The risk is that your wellbeing suffers in trying to find the perfect solution.

Imagine this.....

You receive a phone call from an old workmate telling you about a great new position that’s been created at her company.  She’s even already told the Directors about you and they’re really interested to meet!

You’re probably pretty flattered and interested, but then the mental cogs start turning.......

• Ok, I’ll have to work out the netball car pool again........
• I wonder if leaving early on a Thursday would work......
• I wasn’t really planning on changing anything till next year.....
• But it sounds like a fantastic opportunity.........

Whether you’re currently working or not, the decision making process is inevitably going to have a lot of variables in addition to standard job search thoughts about the company, the location, the duties and the salary.

What are you really looking for?

Decisions are easier to make if you have a good grasp on what’s most important to you.  One area to consider when thinking about work, is the nature of your personal work orientation.  Research in this area of positive psychology has identified the three distinct work orientations of Job, Career or Calling. 

Are you looking for a Job? – You want to work mostly to fulfil practical needs.  These needs might be financial but could also be social.  You’re not overly passionate about work activities, and for the most part, your life outside of work is more important to you than your work.

Are you craving a Career? – You enjoy your work but are definitely thinking about the next step up the ladder or opportunity to take on more responsibilities. 

Are you hearing a Calling? – Your work gives you a lot of meaning and fits well with your values.  You feel a strong sense of pride in what you do and believe it makes the world a better place.  You want to spend as much time as possible on your work.

What description fits you best? 

The right thing at the right time!

Now here’s the thing – as a mum there’s no right or wrong work orientation!   But being able to identify what you want at a specific stage in your life can definitely help you make good decisions about opportunities that come up.  Feeling a sense of meaning boosts wellbeing but that meaning can come from various aspects of our lives at different times.

What do you think?  What are you looking for in work right now? Please leave a comment!

Best wishes,

Flourishing Mothers

Inspired and adapted from the work of Amy Wrzesniewski

What's your mindset as a mum?

What skills have you learnt since you became a Mother?  What qualities and abilities have you developed? 

Day to day life with children calls upon mothers to constantly rise to new challenges; from the very mundane of how to clean the car seat effectively to more sophisticated wrangling of nightmares and tantrums from our little ones.  And we don’t always get it right first try!!

Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset

When we don’t succeed straightaway, it’s very helpful if we can see that as an opportunity to learn rather than a lack of inherent ability.  Research carried out by psychologist Dr Carol Dweck has identified two distinct mindsets which show up in the way in which people live their lives and approach challenges.  The fixed mindset believes that an individual’s qualities are carved in stone, that intelligence, sporting ability, willingness to take responsibility and so on, are set from the start.  This mindset can make a person downplay the value of effort and very hesitant to take a risk for fear of feeling incompetent.

The growth mindset on the other hand believes that we can develop ourselves.  That challenges create an opportunity to learn. Approaching the daily events of motherhood with a growth mindset can make us more open to asking for help when we need it, to accepting that we’re not perfect and that it’s all a work in progress. 

Battling the fixed mindset

Last month I weighed up the pros and cons of taking my daughters to see the Vivid Festival in Sydney.  I really wanted to go but I worried that it would be too cold, that the girls might be upset by the crowds, and that we just wouldn’t have fun...... – this was my fixed mindset talking, reluctant to take a risk in case the result wasn’t perfect.  To combat this I tried to focus on all the reasons why I thought it was a good idea in the first place and the idea that whatever happened it would be a family adventure and a chance to have dinner out together.

“I have a bad feeling about this”, “I’m just not the type of person who does these things”, can be thoughts that signal a fixed mindset coming to the fore.  If you can try to instead think – “it’s worth giving it a try”, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”, you open yourself up to learning and the possibility of fun and success in whatever you’re trying to do.

Something to pass on to our kids

We can encourage our kids towards a growth mindset by encouraging and praising sincere effort, rather than focusing on ability.  We can also show them that we’re ourselves willing to take risks and that when something goes wrong it’s an opportunity to learn and develop.

Best wishes

Flourishing Mothers

PS. We did make it to Vivid and it was fabulous!  I’d do a few things differently next time to better manage in the crowds but it was definitely worth the effort.

Flourishing Mothers were inspired by the work of Dr Carol Dweck and her book “Mindset: how you can fulfil your potential”.

Are you flourishing? Take the test!

Do you ever, just in the course of a day without prompting, ask yourself; “Am I flourishing?”

You probably ask yourself a bunch of other questions.  Did I get enough sleep last night?  Have I eaten a proper meal today? ........ Including vegies?  Did I remember everything on my to-do list?  Is it time to relax for a few minutes with the paper? and so on.   

Your responses will likely tell you a bit about your physical health and stress levels but true flourishing goes deeper than that.

What is Flourishing?

When we are flourishing, we have high levels of emotional and psychological well-being; we are happy and satisfied with frequent positive emotions about life and more likely to feel a sense of growth and achievement.  We tend to see our lives as having a purpose and have a sense that we are always growing and evolving.  We feel capable and have a good sense of control over our lives. 

The opposite of flourishing is languishing.  In this state, we are likely to lack positive emotions towards life, experience high levels of stress and feel that we’re not functioning well.  This is an exhausting and risky state to exist in. 

We all sit somewhere on this continuum.  Key research in this area has found that the majority of the population are neither flourishing nor languishing, but sitting somewhere in between in a moderately mentally healthy state.  You know: - some days you feel good and strong and capable and other days it’s more of a struggle to be optimistic and productive.  It seems that fewer than 20% of people are consistently flourishing.  The good news is that Positive Psychology offers tested ways to boost your level of flourishing!

We feel it’s really important to be aware of your own state of flourishing.  Our concern is that Mums, first managing the enormous change that comes with having a baby and then the ongoing busyness of motherhood, are less likely than the general population to be flourishing and could more easily slide into the languishing category.  In the languishing category, we are at significantly higher risk of depression and anxiety so it’s important to notice if you’re more often feeling flat rather than uplifted and take action! 

Take the Test

If you’d like to check out your level of flourishing please click through to our website to take the short, 8 item, Flourishing Scale.  We’ll then send you some personal feedback and suggestions from Positive Psychology based on your responses.

With best wishes from Flourishing Mothers

Sources of support:
National Perinatal depression hotline 1300 726 306
www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public/depression/inpregnancypostnatal

Flourishing Mothers were inspired by Ed Diener and Martin Seligman.