Strength Spotting!

Quick quiz!  What are your partner’s top character strengths?  Ummmmm……….  You might spot them by asking yourself what activities come easily to them.  What do they love doing?  What do you NEVER have to nag them to do?  Could you answer the same questions about yourself, or about your best friend?

CREATIVITY!

Our character strengths are traits central to who we are which we draw upon to help ourselves and others, and probably have done so since we were kids.  Our strengths give us an energetic buzz when we use them and they tend to be characteristics in ourselves that we are naturally drawn to and prioritise for use.  I have a friend who definitely has creativity as a strength – she often surprises me with the solutions to problems she comes up with and she loves new experiences.   I also really appreciate the woman in my 6am gym class who I think has humour as a strength.  Many a time her ability to make us all laugh gets me through another ten push-ups! 

It’s easy to notice and dwell upon the stuff that annoys or disappoints us in ourselves and those close to us but getting into the habit of looking for strengths can both give us an injection of positive emotions and help us to feel more engaged in our day.  This is because strengths are important to our sense of personal integrity.  When we use our strengths, it feels natural, we’re not plagued by self-doubt, and instead feel authentic.  We can pass this inner authenticity on to others as well; when we compliment someone on a use of a key strength, that compliment is likely to mean a lot to the person, and be easy for them to accept with pleasure!

Last week Flourishing Mothers thoroughly enjoyed being part of the first Mother Conference held in Chatswood.  A bonus of being there was that before and after our own presentation we were able to watch the other speakers and enjoyed seeing how their character strengths were jumping out at us.  For example we suspect that Cathie Knox of the Gidget Foundation would have humility and also love, as key character strengths, while Jessica Rowe struck us as embodying both bravery and appreciation of beauty.  Zest and vitality seemed strong in the exercise consultants who presented and I’d be willing to bet that Claire, who organised the event, has both hope and perseverance as strengths.

Positive Psychology studies and encourages us to use our strengths as a valuable way to achieve goals and enhance our wellbeing.  If this sounds interesting we encourage you to take the free strengths survey developed by the VIA Institute.  http://www.viacharacter.org/www/The-Survey  If you’d like to know more about understanding your own strengths or strength spotting please let us know. 

Bye for now,

Flourishing Mothers

Inspired by the work of Alex Linley, Sue Langley and the VIA Institute on Character

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"?

….. A bit dramatic, but I bet there’s times when all of us can relate to it! This blog is about how we can face up to the inevitable challenges and stresses of motherhood. What we need is an injection of “Mental Toughness”.

In Positive Psychology, Mental Toughness is not about being hard-edged, unflappable or perpetually strong. Rather, it’s about turning stress into something less threatening, to see it as more of a challenge and even an opportunity to grow. When we are Mentally Tough, we can emerge from tough times without losing confidence. We can reduce our anxiety, continue our activities and even enhance our wellbeing.

The good news is that Mental Toughness, though partially hereditary, can be developed.

A useful model looks at the Mental Toughness qualities we need in times of stress:

• Challenge.  Our drive when we are faced with challenges. Do we embrace them or avoid them?
• Control. Our “can do” attitude and our conviction that we can shape our lives and manage our emotions
• Commitment. Our “stickibility”; that we still keep our promises to others or ourselves when things get tough
• Confidence. Our self-belief remains intact despite setbacks

How mentally tough do we need to be?

We don’t need to shoot the lights out with our Mental Toughness! We only need to have enough to cope, and help us be the best that we can be in stressful situations.

So here are some ideas for increasing your Mental Toughness:

Your drive: think “If they can do it, so can I” (this one is particularly helpful for childbirth!). Try stretching yourself in another area of your life – learn a new skill, do a MOOC.  Accept that stress is inevitable.

Your “can do” attitude: spend your time and energy on things you can control. Think about what you want to happen, then make baby steps towards it. Have emergency strategies for when you lose the plot – deep breathing, venting to your mum.

Your stickibility: visualise the best possible outcome from a tough situation. Stop doing things that aren’t important. Think of the big picture – will this matter in 5 years? Find the meaning in your life – not least of which that you are leaving the legacy of another human being on this planet!

Your self-belief: be OK about learning from mistakes, seek support from friends and family.  Do things that you are good at and enjoy (use your strengths). Ask yourself “what went well?” at the end of the day.

Stress is normal in life and in motherhood. So, if we can face up to and even embrace challenges, stick to our promises, believe in ourselves and our ability to control ourselves and our situation, then we are well on the way to be Mentally Tough enough. Then it won’t kill us, and it will make us stronger!

best wishes from Flourishing Mothers

Adapted and inspired by the work of Peter Clough and AQR.

The power of small shifts to improve your wellbeing

“Do small things with great love” said Mother Theresa. 

We want to encourage you to consider what small things you could start doing today to increase your wellbeing and show love and care for yourself.

Positive Psychology research has found that people participating in studies where they were asked to carry out happiness activities, reported immediate positive emotions and continued to report more frequent feelings of happiness and contentment for as long as three months after the study ended.  It seems that short bursts of positive emotions can have a profound impact on our long term happiness. 

Here are three ideas you could consider trying:

Make life a little easier for yourself

Is there a small change you could make to help your days flow more smoothly? 

A few months back I made a small shift that has made a significant change to my happiness and sense of wellbeing.   I moved the kitchen clock forward 5 minutes!  It may sound silly, and I am very aware that the clock is fast, but it nonetheless provides me with a little boost that propels me out of the house on time.  The happiness then comes from:

• Finding parking more easily
• Having time to watch my kids play before class
• Being able to enjoy a coffee before a meeting

It all adds up to a significant increase in wellbeing over time.

Savour a treat

A little treat, fully enjoyed, can stimulate a burst of energy and creativity which might then help you to do things which in turn unlock more happiness.  We’re not recommending non-stop indulgence but allowing yourself a treat every so often and savouring every moment can have a powerful impact.  What about treating yourself today to one of these experiences.

• Pick/Buy a pretty bunch of flowers for the house
• Enjoy some quality sushi for lunch
• Give yourself 20 guilt-free minutes sitting in the sun reading something fun
• Listen to a song you love (maybe sing along too!)

Express Gratitude

“Count your blessings” has become a piece of familiar grandmotherly wisdom but it’s well worth paying attention to!  Recent research is showing that people who are consistently grateful, who feel a sense of wonder and appreciation for life as it currently is; appear more energetic, more hopeful and happier. 

An easy way to try out the benefits of deliberate gratitude is to regularly write down 3-5 things that you are grateful for.  This intervention has been very well-researched and the good news is that you only need to do it from time to time to benefit, once a week for example.  The benefit is seen in increased feelings of optimism and satisfaction with life, more time spent exercising and a tangible improvement in physical health.

So starting today – what small shift could make a lasting improvement in your wellbeing?

With best wishes

Flourishing Mothers

Adapted from and inspired by the work of Sonya Lyubomirsky.