"What's the meaning of life anyway?"

My friend Rosemary arrived with her kids at an Australia Day family picnic, threw her Esky and picnic rug down on the ground, sighed dramatically and said “I’m about to turn 40. What’s my life all about? What have I achieved? What’s the point?” 

Deep into the long school holidays of entertaining children, facing the start of the New Year and anticipating a major birthday milestone has clearly prompted Rosemary to evaluate the meaning in her life.

Our search for meaning

There are times when all of us are prompted to think about our own significance, our purpose, our value. Often this happens when faced with major life events – a death in the family, a lost job, a back operation, a divorce. We reassess what we are doing with our short precious lives. And that’s a valuable thing…. Positive Psychology has shown that people with higher levels of meaning have better levels of wellbeing, lower levels of mental distress and more engagement in their work.

Some of us find meaning in our identities or roles – being a mother, being an artist, starting our own home-based business. Others find meaning in connecting to something larger than ourselves, by making a difference to others, to organisations, to society. This could be through our work, our church, volunteering in the community or to donating to worthy causes, to name a few.

The answer to the meaning of life is.........

There is no “meaning of life”!  It’s about experiencing meaning in life. Finding meaning comes down to being deliberate about living your values, about pursuing goals you think are worthy and about, as much as possible, using your unique talents and strengths that are energising to you.

There are plenty of exercises in Positive Psychology which can help you to explore your own meaning. In our next blog, we’ll take you through the “Letter from the Future” exercise we find useful for many of our clients. Simple but powerful!

I told Rosemary that she’s already off the hook with contributing to the world – she’s done it; she’s a mum! She’s growing two little human beings who will make all sorts of contributions to the world in their own right. What a legacy! I must admit she did give me a bit of a blank look….the reality is that Rosemary will have to work out the meaning of her life for herself.

Flourishing Mothers were inspired by the work of Baumeister & Vohs, and Kashdan

Finding work you love

Do you look forward to going to work?  Do you come home energised by what you’ve achieved during the day?

We’re concerned that many mums feel less than inspired by their job but stick with it because it fits in with what their family needs right now.  If you know what I’m talking about, you are probably being very true to your family related values (see our last blog) but may be missing out on the enthusiasm and energy that comes with finding your work highly meaningful and engaging.

Good news! We’re not going to recommend you resign today - the solution we propose is known as “Job Crafting”.

What is this “job crafting”?

Job crafting is about bringing your identity more into your work, finding ways to influence aspects of the job to better satisfy your personal values and increase your ability to thrive.  For example, an admin assistant keen to have more people interaction in their role could offer to provide training to new staff.  Or, are there technology short-cuts that you could implement to give you extra time and increase flexibility.

You can also approach job crafting in a cognitive way – changing the way you think about the work you do and how you describe it.  As an accountant are you a rule-abiding number cruncher?  Or, are you actively helping people to understand their finances and make smart decisions for their families and their businesses?

Why would an organisation let me change my job around to suit me?

The truth is that there are really compelling reasons for your employer to listen to your ideas about making your work more meaningful.  It’s been shown that meaningful work influences work motivation, levels of absenteeism, work behaviour and individual performance.  For the organisation this translates to:

• Higher levels of employee satisfaction and sense of empowerment
• Greater commitment to the organisation and suitability for promotion
• Increased performance

What if my job can’t be “crafted” right now?

Even if your work doesn’t offer much scope for change right now you can still find ways to increase your engagement and sense of satisfaction on a daily basis.  Rather than going with a “grin and bear it” strategy, think carefully about the tasks that you do find enjoyable and energising and look at rearranging your days to schedule these tasks at times when you need a burst of energy.

If you’d like to hear more about job crafting from one of the key researchers in this area, you might enjoy this clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_igfnctYjA

Maybe you can give some thought to your current role over the Christmas break and make it a goal for 2016 to love the work you do. 

Best wishes from

Flourishing Mothers

Inspired and adapted from the work of Amy Wrzesniewski

Decisions, decisions........what should I do?

“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are” Roy Disney.

As mums, we’re so hectic in our daily lives; juggling balls and wearing many hats. However we can actually streamline our lives when we ask ourselves what’s really important to us, and live by our values. Our values are a core part of who we are, the principles we want to live by and the qualities we want to cultivate in our lives or in our work.

For example, at work your values could be being efficient, approachable and a good team player. Your colleague may rate financial security, competition and responsibility. At home you might value connection, fun and spiritual faith, while your friend may find learning, love and humour more important. There is no right or wrong. We are all just uniquely, wonderfully different!

Our values will be fairly stable over time as they are core to who we are, but our priorities can shift. Perhaps before children you were more focussed on career satisfaction but after children you value work-life balance or community connection more highly.

Decisions, decisions……

What job should I pursue? Should I start my own business? Do I go away with my husband without the kids? Should I compromise or stand my ground? If you have a clear idea of your values, decisions like these become easier to make. You can use your values as a strong guiding force to point you in the right direction.

What are my values and what to do with them……?

Here’s a process that you could follow if you like the idea of using your values to guide you.

1. Write down your values. If you’re not sure what your values are, think about examples from your personal or work life when you were happiest – what were you doing? Who were you with? When were you most proud? When were you most fulfilled or satisfied?  You can also find inspiration from published “Values Checklists” such as  http://www.thepositivityinstitute.com.au/images/bibilo/PI-CoreLifeValuesList.pdf   
2. Prioritise them.  A useful list for you is to work out your top 5 personal and top 5 work values.
3. Test for discrepancy: Ask yourself if there is a difference between your values and how you are living or what you are doing in your life right now?
4. Get proactive. What can you change right now? What could you do differently in the future? Are there any big life decisions on the horizon where you could use your values as your guide?

Life’s too short to not be yourself. The investment you make in reflecting on your values now can make a big difference to your life, in a hugely positive way.

Best wishes from Flourishing Mothers

Adapted and inspired by Flourishing Mothers from the work of Martin Seligman, Kennon Sheldon, Russ Harris and mindtools.com