The meaning of Christmas?

Research has shown that people who have meaning and purpose in their lives are happier and derive a positive sense of wellbeing. They also experience less stress, anxiety and depression. How we find meaning in our lives is different for everyone. It could be through our work, our religion, and our relationships….anything that helps us feel part of or contribute back to something larger or more permanent than ourselves. Hopefully all of us mothers experience purpose and meaning through our children and the legacy of these wonderful and productive individuals we leave to the world when we are gone.

Meaning is particularly poignant at Christmas because of its traditions and the opportunity many of us have to slow down, connect with family and friends and reflect on what we are really doing with our lives and why.

Unfortunately, a lot of us are way too busy hurtling ahead with our end of year to-do lists, attending functions, planning, shopping, wrapping, and cooking that we end of frazzled.

A major study has shown that a focus on materialism, consumption, giving and receiving presents resulted in less happiness, more negative emotions and more stress. In contrast, focusing on spending time with family, engaging in Christmas traditions, and being more environmentally conscious (sending less rubbish to landfill!) improved people’s wellbeing at Christmas.

So, how can mothers keep the meaning in Christmas?

Wrap fewer presents and spend more time playing with your kids with Christmas carols blaring. Get your family or friends to bring a plate, rather than having to create the perfect Christmas table yourself. Take the children to a Christmas carol service or to enjoy a lights display. Be grateful for all you have and have compassion for those less fortunate by giving a charity gift. 

In short, do anything that builds the positive emotions that create meaning: love, compassion, hope, awe, gratitude, trust and joy.    

Wishing you a very happy Christmas season from Flourishing Mothers.

Adapted by Flourishing Mothers from the work of Martin Seligman, George Vaillant, Tim Kasser, Kennon Sheldon

Scientifically proven benefits of doing something fun - deposit positive emotions into your well-being “bank”

We all know that experiencing positive emotions makes us feel good and are a part of what makes our lives enjoyable. The even better news from the science of positive psychology is that the beneficial effects of positive emotions build up over time, a little bit like putting credits in the bank. Studies which have stimulated positive emotions in subjects, showed increases in their wellbeing and satisfaction with life, lasting for 6 months.

Professor Barbara Fredrickson, the eminent researcher at the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the University of North Carolina has sought to explain how this works under her “Broaden and Build” construct. Positive emotions “broaden” our awareness of everything around us, and make us open to new thoughts and ideas, and new ways of solving problems. Over time, this “builds” our psychological strengths and knowledge, lessens the effect of more negative emotions, and helps us cope better with challenging days or situations in our lives.

So what does this mean for us mothers? For the sake of our own wellbeing (and of those around us!) we need to proactively seek opportunities to increase our positive emotions. And not feel guilty about doing it!

There are plenty of different positive emotions, and so many ways to experience them. Going to a yoga class might give you feelings of contentment or serenity. Watching a funny movie might amuse you. You might read a book that inspires you. Savouring the good things in your life might help you feel grateful. You might reflect on something that went well in your day and feel a sense of pride or achievement. You might make a cake or some craft with your child which unleashes your creativity. You might go for a walk other mums or just enjoy catching up and connect with others.

Put simply, positive emotions feel good; and they will also boost your well-being longer-term, assist you to be more resilient on tough days and help make your journey of motherhood more enjoyable.

It all adds up to some great reasons to do something today that will make you smile!

References: Adapted by Flourishing Mothers from the work of Barbara Fredrickson

Increase your own wellbeing by asking your partner questions!

Having a good relationship with your partner is enormously helpful when navigating the journey of motherhood. Turning to them when things are tough or when you have had a bad day can help support you and give you the sense you are in it together!

And when caring and sharing is reciprocated in close personal relationships, we feel a great sense of personal wellbeing. Positive psychology has established a very strong link between positive relationships and wellbeing, and even supports the notion that love in caring relationships is the “trump card” of wellbeing.

A really interesting line of research into couples and intimate relationships suggests that supporting each other when good things happen is really important in strengthening a relationship.  How you celebrate in a relationship is more important than how you argue!

In flourishing relationships, couples respond “actively and constructively” when sharing good news or experiences with each other.  This means asking questions which encourage the person to talk about their good news. When we show a sense of genuine enthusiasm and energy for their experience, and we comment on the meaning it may have for them, it helps them to savour their positive emotions.

This contrasts with other responses which tend to weaken the warmth and bond of the relationship. For example; listening to the news but not showing enthusiasm, listening to the news but pointing out its downsides or complications, listening to the news and changing the subject or not even responding at all!

When responding to your partner you can be yourself, you don’t have to overdo the praise - just be interested, ask questions, including what it means for them. Your relationship will get a boost and you will increase your own wellbeing at the same time.

We hope you have a chance to test out this idea soon!

(Adapted by Flourishing Mothers from the work of Dr Shelly Gable, Professor of Psychology, University of California, Santa Barbara)