The meaning of Christmas?

Research has shown that people who have meaning and purpose in their lives are happier and derive a positive sense of wellbeing. They also experience less stress, anxiety and depression. How we find meaning in our lives is different for everyone. It could be through our work, our religion, and our relationships….anything that helps us feel part of or contribute back to something larger or more permanent than ourselves. Hopefully all of us mothers experience purpose and meaning through our children and the legacy of these wonderful and productive individuals we leave to the world when we are gone.

Meaning is particularly poignant at Christmas because of its traditions and the opportunity many of us have to slow down, connect with family and friends and reflect on what we are really doing with our lives and why.

Unfortunately, a lot of us are way too busy hurtling ahead with our end of year to-do lists, attending functions, planning, shopping, wrapping, and cooking that we end of frazzled.

A major study has shown that a focus on materialism, consumption, giving and receiving presents resulted in less happiness, more negative emotions and more stress. In contrast, focusing on spending time with family, engaging in Christmas traditions, and being more environmentally conscious (sending less rubbish to landfill!) improved people’s wellbeing at Christmas.

So, how can mothers keep the meaning in Christmas?

Wrap fewer presents and spend more time playing with your kids with Christmas carols blaring. Get your family or friends to bring a plate, rather than having to create the perfect Christmas table yourself. Take the children to a Christmas carol service or to enjoy a lights display. Be grateful for all you have and have compassion for those less fortunate by giving a charity gift. 

In short, do anything that builds the positive emotions that create meaning: love, compassion, hope, awe, gratitude, trust and joy.    

Wishing you a very happy Christmas season from Flourishing Mothers.

Adapted by Flourishing Mothers from the work of Martin Seligman, George Vaillant, Tim Kasser, Kennon Sheldon

Let's celebrate the things we HAVE accomplished this year!

Accomplishing something you’ve set out to do feels fantastic doesn’t it?  No matter what the project or task, getting it done produces a sense of happiness and calm relief.  Positive Psychology recognises accomplishment as one of five elements of wellbeing and encourages individuals to set and strive for personally meaningful goals as well as noticing what you accomplish every day.

At this time of year however it’s easy to find yourself thinking about how fast the year has gone and perhaps reflecting sadly on the things you didn’t do during the year.  As a Mum you may not have completed the 25 projects you planned back in January but we think you should let yourself off the hook.  From the perspective of Positive Psychology coaching we want to encourage you right now to celebrate all the things you HAVE accomplished.

For example, rather than feeling regretful about friends you haven’t caught up with recently spend a minute or two recalling terrific gatherings that did occur during the year.  Treasure those positive memories!  Perhaps like me you haven’t yet organised last summer’s photos into an album – but I bet you took many gorgeous photos of family and friends that will be enjoyed forever (and might make it into a book or album one day)!

Also, please don’t forget to notice all the things you accomplish day in day out that weren’t on the project list but still take time, energy and love:

• 350 school lunches packed
• 2800 songs sung (at bedtime or otherwise)
• 1800 newborn nappies changed
• More than 673 drink bottles washed up (and 17.5 new ones purchased)
• 83 games of UNO played with ecstatic children

I know you’ll be able to add more to this list that resonates for you personally.

best wishes until next time….

Please follow this link if you would like to read more about Martin Seligman’s (founding father of Positive Psychology) Theory of Wellbeing - https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/learn/wellbeing

Scientifically proven benefits of doing something fun - deposit positive emotions into your well-being “bank”

We all know that experiencing positive emotions makes us feel good and are a part of what makes our lives enjoyable. The even better news from the science of positive psychology is that the beneficial effects of positive emotions build up over time, a little bit like putting credits in the bank. Studies which have stimulated positive emotions in subjects, showed increases in their wellbeing and satisfaction with life, lasting for 6 months.

Professor Barbara Fredrickson, the eminent researcher at the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the University of North Carolina has sought to explain how this works under her “Broaden and Build” construct. Positive emotions “broaden” our awareness of everything around us, and make us open to new thoughts and ideas, and new ways of solving problems. Over time, this “builds” our psychological strengths and knowledge, lessens the effect of more negative emotions, and helps us cope better with challenging days or situations in our lives.

So what does this mean for us mothers? For the sake of our own wellbeing (and of those around us!) we need to proactively seek opportunities to increase our positive emotions. And not feel guilty about doing it!

There are plenty of different positive emotions, and so many ways to experience them. Going to a yoga class might give you feelings of contentment or serenity. Watching a funny movie might amuse you. You might read a book that inspires you. Savouring the good things in your life might help you feel grateful. You might reflect on something that went well in your day and feel a sense of pride or achievement. You might make a cake or some craft with your child which unleashes your creativity. You might go for a walk other mums or just enjoy catching up and connect with others.

Put simply, positive emotions feel good; and they will also boost your well-being longer-term, assist you to be more resilient on tough days and help make your journey of motherhood more enjoyable.

It all adds up to some great reasons to do something today that will make you smile!

References: Adapted by Flourishing Mothers from the work of Barbara Fredrickson