How to indulge - without the hangover!

When I look at my calendar and inbox it feels full of plans for drinks gatherings, bbq catch ups, family parties and even a recipe from my aunt for fabulous chocolate truffles! A whole lot of delicious decadence and fun.

But I’m a bit nervous about the hangovers!

I’ll probably risk indulging with delight in the great food and drink. I definitely can’t wait to make the chocolate truffles. However, at the same time I also want to plan some healthy indulgence.

I’m keen to boost my positive emotions and positive relationships without nasty side effects!

How can we indulge AND increase our flourishing?

Indulgences to help us flourish

1. Indulge in movement

The research is in and well accepted, there’s no argument that movement is good for us physically and mentally – but often it’s the first thing we lose track of when we’re busy. Ironically this is probably when we might most benefit so could it help to plan for it and think of it as an indulgence?

How might you indulge? Could you?

  • Book a walk into your diary (if it feels good make it a recurring date!)

  • When no-one’s watching turn up your favourite music and dance (or tap your foot and sway if you’re really not a dancer!)

  • Trial the exercise class you’ve been thinking about or test out the benefit of a few yoga stretches before bed

2. Indulge in nature.

The benefits of being in a natural environment or even simply looking at some beautiful pictures of natural areas is also really well researched. It’s been shown to reduce feelings of stress, fear and anxiety and increase positive emotions such as awe, gratitude and meaning.

How might you indulge? Could you:

  • Plan to watch the sunset one night this week

  • Find a flower and spend a few moments quietly enjoying the colour and the scent

  • Find some incredible nature photos online

3. Indulge in time for you

For many of us this probably feels like the ultimate indulgence! However the science of self compassion tells us that when we look after ourselves and occasionally put our own needs first, the benefits are enormous. Simply giving yourself permission to indulge, taking a guilt free break from your to do list, will give you a burst of energy and positive emotion. It might even help you accomplish more later on.

How might you indulge? Could you:

  • Go to see that film you’ve been longing to see – or if it’s left the cinemas, download it and indulge

  • Call the friend who you love love love chatting to but just haven’t had time to catch up with for months

  • Take a 20 minute nap

  • Make a coffee date with yourself and a good book

Time for a treat!

Whatever speaks to you we encourage you to give it a try! You work hard and deserve a little healthy indulgence!

We’re in your corner

Kate & Debra

indulge without  hangover



The Busy Trap - What's really behind your ToDo list, and how to take back control

Have you bumped into a friend at the supermarket and had the following conversation?

You: Hi! How are you?

Friend: I’m insanely busy! You?

You: I’m crazy busy too!

You wouldn't be alone! A strange cultural phenomenon has led us to wear “busyness” as a badge of honor. This also extends to our kids - they’re often scheduled to within an inch of their lives outside of school with extracurricular activities.

Busy.jpg

Somehow we’ve normalized — and even praise our busyness. But are we really doing ourselves any favours? The truth is, our insistence on staying busy can have damaging effects on our mental well-being: more stress, exhaustion, burnout, and an inability to focus on the present. And our kids come home at the end of the day as tired and stressed as we do.

So, what’s the deal with being busy? Why are we doing this to ourselves?

Here are a couple of home truths to ponder:

We spend a lot of time doing things we should do, or that society expects of us, or that everyone else is doing. Our houses should be spotless, we’re expected to have manicured toes and no greys in our hair, everyone else is sending their child to extra sport/music/drama/tutoring! No wonder we get a sense of overwhelm from all the things we do, compared to the far smaller quantity of things we’re actually capable of doing with the time available.

And perhaps deep down, a lot of us are using busyness as a way to hide from ourselves. Who would we be if we weren't busy accomplishing stuff? What truths about ourselves or our lives would we have to face that we can avoid facing when we’re crazy busy? Are we reassuring ourselves about our worth by making a link between being busy and being important and valuable?

We recommend coming out behind your “ToDo list” and taking back control of your life.

Here’s how:

  1. Ditch the “shoulds” and do the “want to’s.” Prioritise your ToDo list by the most valued tasks. Anything that’s not truly important to you personally, delegate to someone else, or just ditch it! What events have you committed to over the next month? Which of these are less meaningful, or events you feel you should go to (but don’t really want to)? Find a way to graciously relieve yourself of these commitments.

    When we pursue goals that we want to do, because they’re important to us, we have a recipe for high levels of wellbeing.

  2. Reframe success. Turn your “ToDo” list into a “TaDa!” list. Instead of being overwhelmed with everything you haven’t ticked off your list, at the end of each day write down what you have achieved. Then sing “TaDa!” and do a happy dance.

  3. Detox from your busyness addiction. When we’re on the urgency treadmill, it can feel excruciating to slow down – but you may end up getting more done if you try. Experiment with doing nothing at all for 10 minutes between tasks: the harder that feels, the more you may need it!

  4. Be the change. Reverse the cultural narrative around the pride of busyness. Resist the urge to compete with the “busy bees” or engage in one-upmanship. Your schedule does not make you important.

The truth is our busyness is self-imposed. It's in our control because of the choices we make. Instead, we encourage you to enjoy what’s important, be present with your loved ones and savour the moments.

We’re in your corner,

Debra and Kate

Two confidence zapping words you should never use!

Have you ever planned an exciting party for your child (or yourself) and despite the fact that planning is going well, doubts start to creep in?  

What if no-one comes? What if it rains? What if people don’t have fun?

Then on the day of the party, people turn up, fun is had, guests were undeterred by the light rain showers and you all finish up with big smiles. “See?” you say to your child, “it all worked out, no need to have worried”.

confidence even in hard times.jpg

When my kids start with the “what if’s”, I say to them “what if your moustache was made of spinach?” This is so completely ridiculous it helps remind them of the futility of worrying about something that may never happen.

As adults, we’re guilty of the “what if’s” regularly in life and at work.

When we finally get our dream jobs, doubt can kick in. What if they realise I’m actually not that good? What if I stuff up? What if I don’t like the job as much as I thought I would? What if I don’t belong here?

These thoughts are normal and we all have them. But when we let them take hold, they zap our confidence and make us anxious. They get in the way of bravely exploring the possibilities in our new roles, and impede our chances of success. “What if’s” are just not useful.

The French philosopher Michel de Montaigne once summarised this truth when he quipped:

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened”

If you find the “what if’s?” undermining your confidence at work or in life, here’s what to do:

  1. Be your own cheerleader. Back yourself. Imagine things will go well. Allow enough time at work to do things well.

    At the end of the day take a minute to reflect on what went well and give yourself a high five.
     
  2. Bring your best self to each day. Get enough sleep, look after your health.

    Know your strengths and make sure you get the opportunity to use them every day. Make sure you can use your strengths in your job (Hint: if you don’t know what your strengths are, see a strengths-based coach!)
     
  3. Reflect on the worst-case scenario. If the “what if?” actually came to pass, what would you do? Write your answer down in this format: “If (insert the worst-case scenario), then I would (what you would do?)”.

    If you get derailed, knowing what your intentions are gives you the confidence that if need be - you’re capable of rising to the challenge and coping with the event. This diminishes the power the “what if” has over you.
     
  4. Change your perspective. Reframe your difficulties or even failures as an opportunity to learn something worthwhile. What you learn will help you set the right direction next time, and improve your performance in the future.

    In the end, you can only grow by moving towards challenges, not away from them.

We recommend you banish the confidence zapping, party pooping words that are“what if?” from your vocabulary! Those two words only rain on your parade, and chances are, they’ll never actually happen.

In the unlikely event they do happen, don’t let them undo you. Rather, be confident you’ll be able to cope and even grow from the challenge. And then you’ll succeed in at work or in life.

We’re in your corner

Debra and Kate