How to indulge - without the hangover!

When I look at my calendar and inbox it feels full of plans for drinks gatherings, bbq catch ups, family parties and even a recipe from my aunt for fabulous chocolate truffles! A whole lot of delicious decadence and fun.

But I’m a bit nervous about the hangovers!

I’ll probably risk indulging with delight in the great food and drink. I definitely can’t wait to make the chocolate truffles. However, at the same time I also want to plan some healthy indulgence.

I’m keen to boost my positive emotions and positive relationships without nasty side effects!

How can we indulge AND increase our flourishing?

Indulgences to help us flourish

1. Indulge in movement

The research is in and well accepted, there’s no argument that movement is good for us physically and mentally – but often it’s the first thing we lose track of when we’re busy. Ironically this is probably when we might most benefit so could it help to plan for it and think of it as an indulgence?

How might you indulge? Could you?

  • Book a walk into your diary (if it feels good make it a recurring date!)

  • When no-one’s watching turn up your favourite music and dance (or tap your foot and sway if you’re really not a dancer!)

  • Trial the exercise class you’ve been thinking about or test out the benefit of a few yoga stretches before bed

2. Indulge in nature.

The benefits of being in a natural environment or even simply looking at some beautiful pictures of natural areas is also really well researched. It’s been shown to reduce feelings of stress, fear and anxiety and increase positive emotions such as awe, gratitude and meaning.

How might you indulge? Could you:

  • Plan to watch the sunset one night this week

  • Find a flower and spend a few moments quietly enjoying the colour and the scent

  • Find some incredible nature photos online

3. Indulge in time for you

For many of us this probably feels like the ultimate indulgence! However the science of self compassion tells us that when we look after ourselves and occasionally put our own needs first, the benefits are enormous. Simply giving yourself permission to indulge, taking a guilt free break from your to do list, will give you a burst of energy and positive emotion. It might even help you accomplish more later on.

How might you indulge? Could you:

  • Go to see that film you’ve been longing to see – or if it’s left the cinemas, download it and indulge

  • Call the friend who you love love love chatting to but just haven’t had time to catch up with for months

  • Take a 20 minute nap

  • Make a coffee date with yourself and a good book

Time for a treat!

Whatever speaks to you we encourage you to give it a try! You work hard and deserve a little healthy indulgence!

We’re in your corner

Kate & Debra

indulge without  hangover



Help! Can I really do it?

Did you ever climb trees as a kid, feeling excited about the view you’d have from the top?  Do you remember that feeling of being half way up and then suddenly being hit by doubts? You’ve been making great progress but suddenly you’re paralysed, and you feel like you can’t even find the next foothold…..

In that frozen moment of no confidence it’s hard to imagine getting to the top isn’t it?

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Our journey to finding work we love, work that fulfils us and fits in with our family, can be a really tough climb.  Moreover, it’s often very specific fears that cause our crisis of confidence.

Women we coach say things like:

  • I'm going to fumble in the first interview!
  • I'm too scared to ask for the hours and conditions that I want!
  • I'm struggling with all the technology!
  • Is it even possible to find a rewarding flexible job?

These are real fears getting in the way of your achievement.  To succeed we have to push through confidence obstacles.

How can we push through a crisis of confidence?

First of all – Re-ignite your motivation!  Remember WHY you started climbing

To fire up your desire for change you can remind yourself of the details of your dreams.  What exactly have you been striving for? Think about how dissatisfied you’ve been feeling with your current situation.  What are the specific issues you’ve been wanting to fix?

If you’ve already written down your goals this is a great time to review them (or put them into writing now!).  As you look at your goals, imagine that you’ve achieved them – you’ve made it! How would that feel?

I know why I want to make change but it’s so hard!

Consider your choices!

When you’re actually climbing a tree you don’t have a lot of options – it’s really just up or down.

But when we’re striving to change our careers we could also choose to just stop – to decide that it’s all too hard and stick with the status quo.

But think what you’d be missing out on!!

To keep going towards your goals, your mindset becomes central!  We need to believe that we’re capable of learning and making the most of opportunities.

What can you learn that will help you make progress?

When we believe that we can develop our skills it feels easier to take a risk and try something new.  We’re able to recognise that it’s our effort and our attitude that most influences our success.

Try to remember times in the past when you’ve learnt new skills and coped well with a challenge.  Try to recall when you’ve felt most confident in recent times – what were the key factors that helped you in each situation?  By noticing what works for us and doing more of it we can create a circle of growing self-belief and confidence.

And now it’s time for action!

We encourage you to make a plan and get excited about renewed progress!  Here are some questions to get you started:

  1. What’s the first thing you need to do?
  2. What can you do TODAY that will help make some progress – is there a phone call you’ve been putting off?  A LinkedIn profile to start writing?
  3. What resources are available to you?
  4. Who can you reach out to for help?

Please be assured that you’re not alone!  We all get stuck and doubt ourselves. If a chat about some of these ideas would help you right now you can book a free coaching chat with us

We’re in your corner and very much want to see you do work that you love!

Best wishes,

Kate and Deb

 

Are you a dipper or a diver when you make plans? - Which is best?

I just spent a weekend away with my girlfriend who’s struggling with what so many working women wrestle with. The confidence to make change to do work she loves! She wants to try a new vocation but hasn’t done anything about it. Do you have any ideas, I ask? Yes, she smiles, and looks dreamy. What’s holding you back, my friend? I don’t know whether to trust my ideas or not, she says….how will I know?

The problem is she’s second guessing her ideas.  She knows she’s scared to dive straight into the deep unknown, but she’s losing ANY confidence to act!

In truth, her lack of confidence comes from two things.

  1. A lack of clarity about her values, priorities and deepest wishes for her life.
  2. She believes she needs to make big decisions right now.

I’m here to tell you my friend, the dive is indeed too scary. Just dip your toes in first, and feel the gentle current against your skin.

….dip your toes in first, and feel the gentle current against your skin

confidence to change mums coaching

Because, really, she just needs to figure out her very first step.  To do one thing. To just dip her toes in. This will help her feel if the current is taking her in the direction she wishes to travel, and to know that she can swim. For her, this might be getting some ideas out of her head and onto paper, starting to talk to people in the area she’s interested in, or doing some desktop research. Not so scary after all.

About confidence

From a confidence point of view, the best thing about taking smaller steps is that by breaking down your larger more intangible goal, you can start to see these as very possible to do. Once you think it’s doable, you imagine succeeding. You get a sudden boost of motivation and an urge to act. You take the next step towards your goal.

Scientifically proven - small acts boost your confidence:

  • They help you visualise what needs to happen and prime you to notice opportunities that move you towards your goal.
  • Smaller, (more tangible) goals are much more likely to be achieved.
  • The positive feelings of hope and optimism that come from succeeding enhance your problem-solving abilities, help you see more ways to achieve your goal, and give you the courage and motivation to keep going.

3 steps to dip your toes in

  1. Brainstorm OPTIONS. There are many pathways to your goal. What do you still need to know or find out?  This is a time to expand your options (not narrow them). That way, if one path reaches a dead end, all hope is not lost, you have other routes to follow.
  2. Write it down. Define the small steps you can take to make progress on each pathway. Your steps need to be “doable”! Then test them out.
  3. Celebrate. Acknowledging your small wins along the way will boost your self-belief and fuel your motivation to keep going.

I know my friend will take these steps and enjoy the journey. And, she doesn’t have to do this alone! She can tell someone what she’s working on, so they can follow her up. She can have coffee with people who can answer her questions. She can go to a professional and hire a coach!

As her goal of a career change takes shape, piece by piece she’ll feel more excited and confident. We wish this for you too!

Best wishes

Flourishing Mothers