Does this sound like you? Do you feel like you are too busy, wear too many hats, juggle too many balls, spin too many wheels? Some days do you find yourself putting on the wrong hat, dropping the balls, and watching your wheels fall off?
Fundamentally we are trying to do too much. We’re mums, we’re capable, we can have it all and do it all!
In trying to do everything, we’re not doing anything properly, we’re not enjoying what we are doing because we’re too busy stressing about what’s next. We multitask ourselves into a state of exhaustion that we’re too busy to do anything about! What then to do? You know deep down you need to prioritise…. you just don’t know how. What stays? What goes? And how do you work it out?
We see plenty of mums like this at Flourishing Mothers. We help them examine the various domains of their lives. For mums this often includes running the house, work, time with family or friends, “me” time, health and community. We ask mums to reflect on the level of importance of each domain. Then we ask them to think about how satisfied they are with these domains. Often, there are significant gaps between importance and satisfaction in one or several areas of life.
For example, your relationship with your husband might be enormously important, but you haven’t had a date night for a year. You absolutely know that “you” time is critical to your mental health and happiness; you are a much kinder, calmer and happier mum when you do your weekly yoga class – but you haven’t been for weeks. You might carry on the tradition of Sunday lunch with your entire tribe of parents, siblings and cousins, but actually, you’d rather be going for a walk with your best friend.
This kind of exploration can help you to see the wood from the trees and start the process of taking back control. Quite simply, when you streamline your life by doing the stuff that’s important to you, your wellbeing soars.
Here’s a process you could use to take back the reins in your own life:
- Write down your key life domains (you can use the list above or the diagram for inspiration)
- Rate the importance of each domain on a scale of 1-10
- Rate the satisfaction you have with each domain on a scale of 1-10
- Analyse. Are there one or two areas which have a big disconnect?
- Select one or two domains to start with. Brainstorm how you can take small steps to close the gap.
A bit of a recalibration can go a long way. You may find you don’t need to juggle so many balls, wear so many hats, spin so many wheels. You are a human being, not a human doing! So DO less to BE more!
With love, from Flourishing Mothers