Help! Can I really do it?

Did you ever climb trees as a kid, feeling excited about the view you’d have from the top?  Do you remember that feeling of being half way up and then suddenly being hit by doubts? You’ve been making great progress but suddenly you’re paralysed, and you feel like you can’t even find the next foothold…..

In that frozen moment of no confidence it’s hard to imagine getting to the top isn’t it?

180718 climb tree - confidence 6.jpg

Our journey to finding work we love, work that fulfils us and fits in with our family, can be a really tough climb.  Moreover, it’s often very specific fears that cause our crisis of confidence.

Women we coach say things like:

  • I'm going to fumble in the first interview!
  • I'm too scared to ask for the hours and conditions that I want!
  • I'm struggling with all the technology!
  • Is it even possible to find a rewarding flexible job?

These are real fears getting in the way of your achievement.  To succeed we have to push through confidence obstacles.

How can we push through a crisis of confidence?

First of all – Re-ignite your motivation!  Remember WHY you started climbing

To fire up your desire for change you can remind yourself of the details of your dreams.  What exactly have you been striving for? Think about how dissatisfied you’ve been feeling with your current situation.  What are the specific issues you’ve been wanting to fix?

If you’ve already written down your goals this is a great time to review them (or put them into writing now!).  As you look at your goals, imagine that you’ve achieved them – you’ve made it! How would that feel?

I know why I want to make change but it’s so hard!

Consider your choices!

When you’re actually climbing a tree you don’t have a lot of options – it’s really just up or down.

But when we’re striving to change our careers we could also choose to just stop – to decide that it’s all too hard and stick with the status quo.

But think what you’d be missing out on!!

To keep going towards your goals, your mindset becomes central!  We need to believe that we’re capable of learning and making the most of opportunities.

What can you learn that will help you make progress?

When we believe that we can develop our skills it feels easier to take a risk and try something new.  We’re able to recognise that it’s our effort and our attitude that most influences our success.

Try to remember times in the past when you’ve learnt new skills and coped well with a challenge.  Try to recall when you’ve felt most confident in recent times – what were the key factors that helped you in each situation?  By noticing what works for us and doing more of it we can create a circle of growing self-belief and confidence.

And now it’s time for action!

We encourage you to make a plan and get excited about renewed progress!  Here are some questions to get you started:

  1. What’s the first thing you need to do?
  2. What can you do TODAY that will help make some progress – is there a phone call you’ve been putting off?  A LinkedIn profile to start writing?
  3. What resources are available to you?
  4. Who can you reach out to for help?

Please be assured that you’re not alone!  We all get stuck and doubt ourselves. If a chat about some of these ideas would help you right now you can book a free coaching chat with us

We’re in your corner and very much want to see you do work that you love!

Best wishes,

Kate and Deb

 

Are you a dipper or a diver when you make plans? - Which is best?

I just spent a weekend away with my girlfriend who’s struggling with what so many working women wrestle with. The confidence to make change to do work she loves! She wants to try a new vocation but hasn’t done anything about it. Do you have any ideas, I ask? Yes, she smiles, and looks dreamy. What’s holding you back, my friend? I don’t know whether to trust my ideas or not, she says….how will I know?

The problem is she’s second guessing her ideas.  She knows she’s scared to dive straight into the deep unknown, but she’s losing ANY confidence to act!

In truth, her lack of confidence comes from two things.

  1. A lack of clarity about her values, priorities and deepest wishes for her life.
  2. She believes she needs to make big decisions right now.

I’m here to tell you my friend, the dive is indeed too scary. Just dip your toes in first, and feel the gentle current against your skin.

….dip your toes in first, and feel the gentle current against your skin

confidence to change mums coaching

Because, really, she just needs to figure out her very first step.  To do one thing. To just dip her toes in. This will help her feel if the current is taking her in the direction she wishes to travel, and to know that she can swim. For her, this might be getting some ideas out of her head and onto paper, starting to talk to people in the area she’s interested in, or doing some desktop research. Not so scary after all.

About confidence

From a confidence point of view, the best thing about taking smaller steps is that by breaking down your larger more intangible goal, you can start to see these as very possible to do. Once you think it’s doable, you imagine succeeding. You get a sudden boost of motivation and an urge to act. You take the next step towards your goal.

Scientifically proven - small acts boost your confidence:

  • They help you visualise what needs to happen and prime you to notice opportunities that move you towards your goal.
  • Smaller, (more tangible) goals are much more likely to be achieved.
  • The positive feelings of hope and optimism that come from succeeding enhance your problem-solving abilities, help you see more ways to achieve your goal, and give you the courage and motivation to keep going.

3 steps to dip your toes in

  1. Brainstorm OPTIONS. There are many pathways to your goal. What do you still need to know or find out?  This is a time to expand your options (not narrow them). That way, if one path reaches a dead end, all hope is not lost, you have other routes to follow.
  2. Write it down. Define the small steps you can take to make progress on each pathway. Your steps need to be “doable”! Then test them out.
  3. Celebrate. Acknowledging your small wins along the way will boost your self-belief and fuel your motivation to keep going.

I know my friend will take these steps and enjoy the journey. And, she doesn’t have to do this alone! She can tell someone what she’s working on, so they can follow her up. She can have coffee with people who can answer her questions. She can go to a professional and hire a coach!

As her goal of a career change takes shape, piece by piece she’ll feel more excited and confident. We wish this for you too!

Best wishes

Flourishing Mothers

Love the one you’re with: know what you’ve got and flaunt it!

ready to do work you love.jpg

Who do you see when you look in the mirror?

We want you to see a woman ready to start turning her work dreams into her new reality.  A fabulous woman confident in her knowledge and abilities. A woman ready to do work she loves!

But do you find the mirror can get fogged up?

We know that you need to wipe away the steam and get clarity about your future. To do this you’ll need to recognise what you’ve got to offer in all the areas of your life. Then you can begin to confidently put these talents and skills and strengths to good use.  You’ll need to be a bit of a detective!

With a bit of effort we CAN identify and make the most of our talents, skills and strengths!

Proudly identify your key work related strengths and skills

We often shy away from looking too closely at our achievements and don’t want to seem boastful.  Or maybe we tend to think of things we do as “just being part of the job” and “nothing special”.

Let us assure you - your achievements are well worth celebrating and give you clues to uncover your strengths.  So make a start on identifying your strengths and skills by answering these questions.

  • What do people rely on you for?
  • At work (or elsewhere) what have you been the “go to girl for”?
  • What do you most enjoy doing in your roles - and know you’re good at?
  • What are 5 things you’re really proud of that relate to work?

Once you’ve made your list you can look for the patterns.  What’s consistent in your achievements? What might be other ways of describing your achievements? And what stands out that can help put your future plans into action?

How can you start recognising your achievements and feel strong positive energy?

Leverage your character strengths

As you proudly identify your achievements and work focused strengths, we also encourage you to think about your character strengths. Each of us possesses a range of qualities which influence what we do and how we choose to do it.  Using our most developed character strengths feels natural, energises us and gives us our point of difference.

Are you the person who raises spirits and smoothes conflict with your sense of humour? Maybe you’re the superbly organised team player who helps keep everyone on track?  Perhaps your creativity and curiosity means that brilliant new initiatives often start with you?

So now you’re focusing on all that you already have proven you can do (and so definitely can do again!).  There’s one pitfall to watch out for!

Don’t forget to banish the biggest threat - your inner critical voice

Quieten your worst critic!

It’s easy to notice and dwell upon the stuff that annoys or disappoints us in ourselves (those anti-achievements), but we need to avoid getting de-railed by our self-criticism!  We can accept that we’re not perfect. Then we can make a habit of looking for our strengths and benefit from that energy and engagement to work towards our goals.

So, love the one you’re with!!

We’re in your corner

Kate & Debra - Flourishing Mothers

PS. If you’re interested to investigate your character strengths have a look at www.viacharacter.org or get in touch to find out how you can use your strengths to super-charge your life.